After I weighed myself this morning (I know, I know, it's impossible not to!) I had lost two more pounds and I was literally GRINNING in the mirror. Such a good feeling, it really is. There are of course the demons, flirting about, trying to remind me that I am still the HEAVIEST I have ever been, and that sure, I've lost ten pounds, but it will find me, because it always does. And I have to say oh no, that isn't the case, this is different. This is real. This is IT!
Because it is. It just is. I know it in my bones. My shrinking bones! Well, bones don't shrink, but everything around them is. I am actually glad that I bought the bigger pants, because now they are ridiculously loose, but it feels good! It feels good to wear something that was tight once before and feel it hang. Well okay, I am not in danger of anything falling off of me -- but it's all perspective!
I was just looking at a picture of when I was about 120 pounds. I am another person more than that, more or less, and that just seems mind boggling. I can recall feeling that thin, and what did I do? I crammed myself into the smallest clothes I possibly could! I don't see myself ever doing that again. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes from now on. I would love to wear skirts and fun shirts again. Or, I can't wait to wear fun skirts and fun shirts! Soon!
In the meanwhile I have been so full of energy that is is almost ridiculous. Yesterday, after a weekend of painting the kitchen, I cleaned out all the drawers and rearranged them and then cleaned, polished and shined all of the stainless steel appliances, including the behemoth stove, and the refrigerator.
Today I tackled the living room, rearranging the furniture so that the ginormous Christmas tree will fit. But, as I was looking out the windows, I noticed they were dirty. So I spent the next several hours cleaning the windows, inside and out. A ladder was required! I had read online that you should use a solution of water, vinegar and cornstarch and then wipe them down with newspaper. Wow, pretty darn shiny.
Then I finished the living room and then, because I hadn't eaten much all day (a smoothie for breakfast, and after an hour on the exercise bike I had two Udi's with almond butter for sustenance.) But it wasn't enough and by mid-afternoon I crashed. I had some cheese and rice crackers, but that still wasn't enough, but I didn't have the will to deal! So I took a shower and curled up in bed.
So does this sound like I didn't have energy? Oh no, I was buzzing around nonstop for HOURS. I just overdid it, as I am known to do, and the lack of protein was killing me. I ended up having a salad that they picked up for me when they got pizza -- not full of much of anything nutritious, but it was food!
I have also noticed I have no more cravings for eggs and meat, which I most certainly did at the beginning. In fact, I am kind of not sure I want meat any more ... it is kind of creeping me out. I know this has happened to me before ... suddenly it just loses its appeal, but damn, it sure is easy to eat some meat and veggies and call it a meal. I had a half of a small breast of chicken last night, with half a potato and some veggies. I sort of just ate the meat, I didn't enjoy it. That doesn't make much sense!
I am craving fruit right now, but there isn't a stitch of it in the house. Oh wait, I think I have some tangerines. I lost my will to live today; therefore rendering it impossible to go out food gathering!
Tomorrow is another day!!
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