Opting out of Christmas and going to Hawaii instead

 

So this is just one of hundreds of amazing pictures we took while we were in Hawaii -- for almost  a month, which is just not long enough, no matter how that sounds!  This is how far we were from the beach in Maui.  Heaven.

But back to Christmas, because it had such little impact on us all, that I really think it must be dissected a bit!  Now of course, we didn't forego presents and all of the fanfare with nothing in its place.  No, we traveled 6,000 miles away and traded snow and Christmas trees for sunshine and beaches.  I'd do it again, and again, and again!  

Every year I start my Christmas shopping early in order to do it all online and avoid having to pay shipping charges to get it on time.  I am generally done with it about two weeks before Christmas, and then go into planning menus and the like.  The house is decorated by mid-Christmas in time for the book club Christmas party I traditionally have ... which is another big chunk of planning and plotting.  I didn't have to do any of that.

It was lovely.

The one thing I highly dislike about Christmas is the feeling/need to buy presents that no one really needs.  My kids have a LOT ... and trying to get them things that are meaningful and useful is no easy task.  I hate buying things that will never get used, and the other thing is that while I am shopping I tend to buy things for myself as well!  (Not that I didn't do that for this trip!)

When we decided to go to Hawaii over the holidays, I envisioned doing stockings and somehow making that work (I could barely shut my suitcase as it was) but then we all kind of agreed that we would do nothing.  Peter was the one that felt we should do SOMETHING.  And we did!  We had mimosas for breakfast and we toasted to Christmas.  Merry Christmas.  And then we went to the beach.

It was lovely.

And I never want to do Christmas the way we've done it the past 27-plus years again!  It is just a day, and to completely get rid of the stress of making that one day matter is amazing.  It is liberating and exhilarating all at the same time!  I don't care if everyone wants to buy one present for each other, or I don't care if we eat chinese food or pizza, in fact, what I do care about is not taking that on, solely, myself, ever again!  The biggest Christmas present you can give yourself is to ... opt out of Christmas!  And if we do happen to stay here (I am now a HUGE advocate of get the hell out of dodge for Christmas!) I will happily decorate the house, because I truly enjoy that ... but you know, that's about it.  I am not battling the grocery stores days before to get the perfect roast ... or making sure each kid has the exact same amount of presents ... I'm just not.  I have been liberated from Christmas past ... and it should be what it was while we were in Hawaii.  A few mimosas, lounging around all morning, and then off to do something fun!  Hanging with family should be present enough.

Aloha.

Know thy self

One year later and the GOOD news is that from the initial weight loss there was no gain until ... I began to re-introduce wheat into my diet.  (The bad news is that 7 pounds crept back on but I have already shed five of those by getting back to the program, so to speak).

The bottom line is life without wheat/gluten is the way to go.  It works.  My problem was that I didn't gain weight right away when I started to eat bad, slowly, and so I kept going with it.  Typical.  But the better way to look at it would be, let's go for another ten permanent pounds!

I read another book, Dr. Gundy's Diet Evolution, which basically uses the premise that we are a mass of our ancestral genes, and those genes are all about the survival of the fittest.  So if you are exercising, you are telling your genes that you are running, and haven't figured out proper survival techniques!  And if you are eating fruit, then you are telling your genes that you are preparing for winter, and therefore your metabolism shuts down.

I began reading this at the beginning of the summer when the raspberries were ripening, in fact, I was preparing for winter, more or less, but I tried to not eat TOO much fruit!  Maybe that was the weight gain, even more so then the bread.  Nah, it was both!

Tonight I ate a bowl full of kale.  It was delicious.  And ever so filling.  So green.  So beautiful, and from my garden no less.  I don't want kale in the summer, and I suppose that is because my body is trying to get me to eat fruit, so I can bulk up!  I have been craving greens like crazy these past few weeks, and decided to eat properly and get rid of my creeping back "wheat belly."  It is very satisfying to have my jeans fit me loosely even after a few days.  It is very rewarding as well as giving me a feeling of control.  As though, even if I lose control for many months, I can repair the damage quite quickly.  I am no fool, I understand the initial loss is water, but the gain was water too, I could see it!  I could see my tissues clogged with it, giving me an overall puffy feeling, so to release it is quite heavenly.

Food is medicine.  Food is what cures us.  And yet ... we eat poorly despite knowing we are not doing anything good for our bodies.  I just don't get it.  Why is this the case?  Why do we want to feel bad, because that is exactly how one feels when they eat poorly.  And when you eat well, you feel amazing.

I don't get it, and I probably never will.  As I sat there eating my bowl of kale, I wondered why it was so difficult to get that I could receive all the nourishment I needed from it, without gaining weight, and that if I ate like that every day, who knows what that would bring.

Your cells buzz when they are fed kale.

I hope I remember that!

Ravenous hunger with no appetite.

So, we made it through the holidays fairly unscathed!  I say fairly, because I am dumped at the other side with no energy, and a raging appetite.  Why?  I don't know.  Too many snacks I guess, not enough exercise, a period that always gets me these days ... and a houseful of people day, after day, after day!

Well, I have an empty house at last, and I am going through recipes, looking for a meal plan for the rest of the week.  Though it is Wednesday already, so I am halfway there!  I am trying to judge my cravings.  The past few days I haven't been able to get full.  I think this is because I have no true desire for a certain food, so I don't know what to eat, so I don't eat, and then I get RAVENOUS.  It's been kind of tough, because when I get so hungry I just NEED to eat.  I have also been fighting dehydration.  Yesterday I drank four full glasses of water before I had to pee.  And I still had a lingering headache.  I sweat so much when I do the bike (which is pretty much daily) and can't seem to get ahead of it.

Again, I don't seem to have any one food that I want.  I also seem to get super full really fast (this morning I ate a ton of cheese to get full.)  I know this isn't right, but I have no desire for eggs, there was nothing else in the fridge and the smoothie didn't even touch my hunger.  But the cheese and some chocolate afterward stuffed me to the gills.  But I can feel the hunger coming back.  It is so crazy!  Last night we went out to eat and I had a salad, which was delicious, and then I had a piece of salmon, a few bites of rice and I was STUFFED.  Weird.  I can't seem to get a handle on my appetite right now.  What do I want to eat?  Last night I thought I wanted a flatbread pizza, the description sounded so yummy.  But I figured since Charlie and Peter were both ordering it, I could have a bite.  Thank heavens I didn't order it -- didn't taste good to me at all.  I wish there was a pill I could pop that would take care of my dietary needs and be done with it.  No, seriously.

So I have been going through recipes and pictures of food all morning and nothing is jumping out at me.  Nothing.  What is going on???

I am thinking I need to do a juice fast or something.  Did I mention this already?  I think that is what I need to do.

2012

Ahhh, 2012.  First day of the new year, and I am somewhat relieved to have made it through the holidays without an enormous weight gain!  I did not eat wheat, however, like this morning, I was dying for bread.  Fortunately I have a stash of gluten free bagels in the freezer, so I had one of those.  They are okay, not exactly the same thing as the "real" thing, but enough to help out in a pinch.  I woke up to the smell of cinamon buns in the oven, just an overwhelming aroma that made me want to kill for one.  So I think turning to a cardboard-tasting bagel was pretty darn impressive!

Food choices are getting harder because I don't seem to have specific cravings.  When I wanted eggs, that was easy, because they are easy to make.  Same with meat.  But suddenly I have zero cravings and an empty stomach.  What to eat?  I don't know!  So I think that it is time to clean up and out for a few weeks, so perhaps I will do just raw.  But easy raw -- not all those hard to prepare meals -- something easy to follow that fills me up without a lot of thought.

AND NO MORE DRINKING!

Such empty calories, and I don't even crave that either!  It's not like Oh!  I would love a glass of wine pops into my head.  Nope, it's more, okay, having people over, or going out, will probably have a drink.  End of that for a bit.  Time to clean out!  I don't feel toxic by any means, just a little heavy.  That of course has a lot to do with my period -- but it's always a good time to go for light.  Bye bye bloating, cramps, etc. because a new day is dawning.

And no resolutions, because why?  I am on this path and still skipping down it willfully.  I don't need any further proof to know if it is the right thing.  It is.

Haven't been on the bike for a few days either.  Must get back into a healthful routine (and believe me, I'm not that far from it).  Just got overtired from holidays, travel and ho ho ho, and need to get my mojo back.  It's there, not far -- I can feel it!

So where will the new year take us in terms of weight?  Can't weight to find out!!!!

Recipes are for sissies!

As I search out recipes that are gluten free; I am often struck by the fact that I am changing an entire recipe to accomodate the lack of gluten.  But I am not using common sense when following them.  For some reason,  I was following these recipes like the gospel; and they weren't turning out all that good.  I was not using my own common sense -- or my own natural cooking abilities.  I rarely follow recipes closely -- I consider them merely guidelines.  So it was interesting to me to realize I was following gluten free recipes like the gospel.

For example, I was making this punch.  Now, it was never in danger of having gluten in it, but I had prepared a gluten free red velvet cake beforehand, and this required like 8 different types of flour; and as I stirred it I thought, this is going to be dry.  (And it was.  Dense as all get out, but the flavor was decent.  It was totally edible, but if I ever made it again, I would figure out a way for it to be less dense.  Just more moisture overall.)  So I was making this punch and it asked for agave or honey to be mixed in with the ginger, and I thought, this seems like a lot.  Agave is sweet and I don't really love things to be overly sweet.  But instead of using my common sense, I followed the recipe to the letter.  Of course it was too sweet, so I ended up having to doctor it.  I could have saved myself a lot of trouble had I just followed my gut.

So Maddie asked for chicken pot pie over the holiday, and so I instantly went to the 9.8 million blogs that are devoted to gluten free recipes in search of the perfect chicken pot pie one.  Now, the thing is, I have perfected that recipe.  I have taken several and combined them to make what I think is the most scrumptious one of all.  My family concurs.  So why am I searching for a new one?  Let's apply a little common sense here:  The gluten culprit is in the crust.  So, either make a pie crust that is gluten free, or eliminate it altogether.  But why change the core of the recipe?  It's just weird ... like I've entered some new zone where all my old recipes don't apply.  But that is ridiculous.


We went to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch today and after my salad we decided to order one piece of cheesecake to share.  We decided on the carrot cake cheesecake, and once it arrived, I was like, oh, I can't eat that!  Not sure why it never occurred to me that carrot cake would have flour in it -- I guess I was more caught up in the fact that cheesecake would be safe.  (I know the crust wouldn't be, but that is easy to avoid.)  Oh well.  No cheesecake for me.  Which is fine.  I'd rather have chocolate over cheesecake any day!

So I am going to stop believing that everyone else knows better than I do how to prepare gluten free food.  I just find it so interesting that for a brief stint there, I truly believed I didn't have the power!

Give me the fries!

I really don't want to make a big deal out of it.  I don't want to be "that" person who has to go into intricate detail about her eating "issues."  I just don't.  In my mind, the least amount of attention that can be called to what I have truly realized is just the way I will be eating from now on ... seems ... more than I want to address.

That hasn't always been the case.  I have stumbled upon a certain diet of one extreme or another and expounded upon its wonders.  This is entirely different.  I am excited about it; because I know that it works and I know that ultimately we all need to get that crappy wheat out of our systems.  But then again, I know no one listens to anyone, so ... why bother?

But last night at a restaurant I realized that some are truly trying to address this issue.  The waittress was all over trying to accommodate me; and at first I fought it.  I mean, it's really not that difficult to navigate a menu and find something without wheat in it.  A salad will fit the bill.  But last night I was HUNGRY!  Like, hadn't eaten all day hungry and I wanted FOOD.  I didn't want a salad.  I wanted ... a turkey burger.  So I ordered it without a roll.  And the waitress picked up on that and asked why.  And I said I didn't eat wheat.  And she said oh, we have gluten free options, in fact we have a gluten free menu.

Oh!  Okay, the secret gluten free menu!  I really don't need one -- I can decipher what I can eat from the main menu; but she said that they had gluten free rolls.  Hmmmm.  Now, ultimately I don't want to eat them, because even though they don't hit me like wheat does; they are still bread products (or flour) and they still sort of land in your stomach like a ton of bricks and sit there.  Try and get flour off of your counter with a sponge.  Not a pretty picture.  So I tend to think, hmmm, do I really want that in my system?  But last night, oh yes, I did!  I wanted a turkey burger.  And fries.

Yes, I wanted french fries!  I can't tell you the last time I enjoyed a meal like that.  The turkey burger was heavenly, the roll, while a little dry, was absolutely edible, and those french fries, why mama mia!  I was in heaven.  H E A V E N.

What I find so interesting about this whole new change in my eating habits is that it really doesn't bother me.  I made a gluten free red velvet cake the other night, and I had Charlie make a flour coconut cake (in the event that the other one was too dry and inedible for my gluten eating guests to eat).  I had no desire to try the wheat cake.  None at all.  In fact, I didn't even much care if I ate the red velvet cake.  I just have no cravings for that stuff any more.  At all.  I never crave baked goods, or bread, or anything, really.  I do get hungry, and I do get to the point of wanting something other than a salad.  But that diehard craving for BREAD is over.  O V E R.

And I love it!

Now, I was so full after my turkey burger and french fries ... I thought I was going to explode.  That is a lot to eat for me now, and I truly was shocked that I didn't have to physically stop at half a burger.  But I think if you are enjoying something that much, you have to go with it.  I didn't eat today until close to noon, and then I had a smoothie and then a little later some chicken chow mein.  But once I rode my bike, WHAMMO, I had an appetite I couldn't  seem to curb.  I was RAVENOUS.  It amazes me how that hard, gnawing hunger will creep up on me.  I woke up this morning with no appetite; I went through most of the day with none, then all of a sudden, I could have eaten my desk.    But I do try to wait until I actually have hunger pains.  I think it keeps me honest!

Peter and I went out to eat and I had salmon, squash and a baked potato.  It was all utterly delicious.  The waittress brought the standard popovers to our table, and we told her we were all set.  She later returned and asked if she could bring something else (I forgot what it was, some other bread product) and I told her that I didn't eat wheat.  That seemed to throw her a little ... and was a completely different experience from last night, where the waittress bent over backwards to cater to my non wheat eating needs.  But either way, I don't really care.  I fully understand that once I leave my home, I am introducing my body to less than stellar food and I am just okay with that now.   I used to think it was the "bad" food that caused my stomach issues.  But now I know that isn't true.  There is always bread (wheat) at a restaurant, and I always ate it.  Hence ... I had issues.  But now, no more.

It's all good.  And I have resigned myself to the fact that it is unlikely that I will lose weight through the holidays.  As I ate the red velvet cake (which I would have been fine not eating, in truth) and as I have gone out to dinner two nights in a row, I get that there will be times that other things will get in the way.  And that is fine.  It's not the end of the world; it is just life.  And there is no point in living half assed.  Eat turkey burgers and fries when you want to.  Why the hell not!!!

Rings and jeans

My wedding rings fit!!!!  Last summer my sister asked me if I had trouble getting them off, and so I tried.  I actually thought I was going to have to have them cut off -- it was gnarly -- they would NOT go over my knuckle.  Eventually, after a lot of painful twisting and pulling, I got them off.  I wasn't going to put them back on, that was for sure.  So over the summer I bought a ring to stand in -- a very pretty band.  But lately the band hasn't been fitting very well, kind of slipping around, and because of all the movement, it was chafing and I actually had a little rash underneath.  So I took it off.

This morning as I was feeling naked with no ring on my finger,  (and I had gone down even more poundwise on the scale) I thought to myself ... hmmm....I might have lost weight in my hands!  So I tried on my wedding rings, and sure enough, they slid right on ... and more importantly, off too!

That is kind of funny because I was just saying recently that I missed them -- I have always loved my diamond, and so I said maybe for Christmas I should get my rings re-sized.  But even better, I am re-sizing myself!  Cheaper!

And you know when you put your jeans on fresh from the dryer and they are always tight?

Mine weren't!!!!