Know thy self

One year later and the GOOD news is that from the initial weight loss there was no gain until ... I began to re-introduce wheat into my diet.  (The bad news is that 7 pounds crept back on but I have already shed five of those by getting back to the program, so to speak).

The bottom line is life without wheat/gluten is the way to go.  It works.  My problem was that I didn't gain weight right away when I started to eat bad, slowly, and so I kept going with it.  Typical.  But the better way to look at it would be, let's go for another ten permanent pounds!

I read another book, Dr. Gundy's Diet Evolution, which basically uses the premise that we are a mass of our ancestral genes, and those genes are all about the survival of the fittest.  So if you are exercising, you are telling your genes that you are running, and haven't figured out proper survival techniques!  And if you are eating fruit, then you are telling your genes that you are preparing for winter, and therefore your metabolism shuts down.

I began reading this at the beginning of the summer when the raspberries were ripening, in fact, I was preparing for winter, more or less, but I tried to not eat TOO much fruit!  Maybe that was the weight gain, even more so then the bread.  Nah, it was both!

Tonight I ate a bowl full of kale.  It was delicious.  And ever so filling.  So green.  So beautiful, and from my garden no less.  I don't want kale in the summer, and I suppose that is because my body is trying to get me to eat fruit, so I can bulk up!  I have been craving greens like crazy these past few weeks, and decided to eat properly and get rid of my creeping back "wheat belly."  It is very satisfying to have my jeans fit me loosely even after a few days.  It is very rewarding as well as giving me a feeling of control.  As though, even if I lose control for many months, I can repair the damage quite quickly.  I am no fool, I understand the initial loss is water, but the gain was water too, I could see it!  I could see my tissues clogged with it, giving me an overall puffy feeling, so to release it is quite heavenly.

Food is medicine.  Food is what cures us.  And yet ... we eat poorly despite knowing we are not doing anything good for our bodies.  I just don't get it.  Why is this the case?  Why do we want to feel bad, because that is exactly how one feels when they eat poorly.  And when you eat well, you feel amazing.

I don't get it, and I probably never will.  As I sat there eating my bowl of kale, I wondered why it was so difficult to get that I could receive all the nourishment I needed from it, without gaining weight, and that if I ate like that every day, who knows what that would bring.

Your cells buzz when they are fed kale.

I hope I remember that!

Ravenous hunger with no appetite.

So, we made it through the holidays fairly unscathed!  I say fairly, because I am dumped at the other side with no energy, and a raging appetite.  Why?  I don't know.  Too many snacks I guess, not enough exercise, a period that always gets me these days ... and a houseful of people day, after day, after day!

Well, I have an empty house at last, and I am going through recipes, looking for a meal plan for the rest of the week.  Though it is Wednesday already, so I am halfway there!  I am trying to judge my cravings.  The past few days I haven't been able to get full.  I think this is because I have no true desire for a certain food, so I don't know what to eat, so I don't eat, and then I get RAVENOUS.  It's been kind of tough, because when I get so hungry I just NEED to eat.  I have also been fighting dehydration.  Yesterday I drank four full glasses of water before I had to pee.  And I still had a lingering headache.  I sweat so much when I do the bike (which is pretty much daily) and can't seem to get ahead of it.

Again, I don't seem to have any one food that I want.  I also seem to get super full really fast (this morning I ate a ton of cheese to get full.)  I know this isn't right, but I have no desire for eggs, there was nothing else in the fridge and the smoothie didn't even touch my hunger.  But the cheese and some chocolate afterward stuffed me to the gills.  But I can feel the hunger coming back.  It is so crazy!  Last night we went out to eat and I had a salad, which was delicious, and then I had a piece of salmon, a few bites of rice and I was STUFFED.  Weird.  I can't seem to get a handle on my appetite right now.  What do I want to eat?  Last night I thought I wanted a flatbread pizza, the description sounded so yummy.  But I figured since Charlie and Peter were both ordering it, I could have a bite.  Thank heavens I didn't order it -- didn't taste good to me at all.  I wish there was a pill I could pop that would take care of my dietary needs and be done with it.  No, seriously.

So I have been going through recipes and pictures of food all morning and nothing is jumping out at me.  Nothing.  What is going on???

I am thinking I need to do a juice fast or something.  Did I mention this already?  I think that is what I need to do.

2012

Ahhh, 2012.  First day of the new year, and I am somewhat relieved to have made it through the holidays without an enormous weight gain!  I did not eat wheat, however, like this morning, I was dying for bread.  Fortunately I have a stash of gluten free bagels in the freezer, so I had one of those.  They are okay, not exactly the same thing as the "real" thing, but enough to help out in a pinch.  I woke up to the smell of cinamon buns in the oven, just an overwhelming aroma that made me want to kill for one.  So I think turning to a cardboard-tasting bagel was pretty darn impressive!

Food choices are getting harder because I don't seem to have specific cravings.  When I wanted eggs, that was easy, because they are easy to make.  Same with meat.  But suddenly I have zero cravings and an empty stomach.  What to eat?  I don't know!  So I think that it is time to clean up and out for a few weeks, so perhaps I will do just raw.  But easy raw -- not all those hard to prepare meals -- something easy to follow that fills me up without a lot of thought.

AND NO MORE DRINKING!

Such empty calories, and I don't even crave that either!  It's not like Oh!  I would love a glass of wine pops into my head.  Nope, it's more, okay, having people over, or going out, will probably have a drink.  End of that for a bit.  Time to clean out!  I don't feel toxic by any means, just a little heavy.  That of course has a lot to do with my period -- but it's always a good time to go for light.  Bye bye bloating, cramps, etc. because a new day is dawning.

And no resolutions, because why?  I am on this path and still skipping down it willfully.  I don't need any further proof to know if it is the right thing.  It is.

Haven't been on the bike for a few days either.  Must get back into a healthful routine (and believe me, I'm not that far from it).  Just got overtired from holidays, travel and ho ho ho, and need to get my mojo back.  It's there, not far -- I can feel it!

So where will the new year take us in terms of weight?  Can't weight to find out!!!!